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My Family Ignore The Messages Wishing ‘Happy Women’s Day’ | Life Blog
Happy Women’s Day | Life Blog |
Like any other morning, this morning started with the usual course of activities at our home. It was a pretty normal day for me and everyone else in the house. They began their work and I started mine. We had breakfast together and dispersed off on our routines.
So what’s the difference between today and any other day?
Just a few additional things happened today. The inbox of these women was flooded with some 40 odd messages. The newspapers, both online and offline, were full of articles portraying different perceptions people held for this day. Facebook was full of images with the message of “Happy Women’s Day” and about a hundred women tagged on each of them.
My family..
My mother saw the messages, but didn’t reply, instead she put the phone aside and went to the kitchen. Sister marked each one of the messages and deleted them all at once. My crush didn’t even bother opening them. She preferred being offline. All of them untagged themselves from those posts on social media.
It is not that they don’t respect the achievements of women and their contribution to the world; or that they don’t appreciate initiatives for women empowerment. But making women feel so very important and special on this particular day through messages and wishes and labelling this day as the “International Women’s Day” just doesn’t suit their, or my, understanding.
Sitting with them and talking to them about this day made me realize the fact that making them feel special on this day is irrelevant. By showing unusual respect, or taking them out for dinner, gifting them the things they love is not really something they would necessarily like. These things are just meant to pretend to the outer world; that we have a positive approach towards women and we respect them and treat them with equality. But what we fail to realize is that just showing isn’t equivalent to feeling the same from the core of our hearts.
8th of March
Has been marked as “International Women’s Day” since the 1900s to celebrate the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women. The day also marks a call to action for accelerating gender parity. However, the sensitivity that is associated with the issue of women empowerment and parity can be judged from the fact that it’s been over a hundred years and we still need a “Women’s Day” to respect women and treat them well. Whereas, it is the approach towards women for the entire year that should define the celebration of this day on the 8th of March.
Let’s all question ourselves – are women safe and secure around us? Are they given rights equal to men? If yes, then are they actually able to exercise those rights? Do we treat them equally in our minds and hearts as well? And, will women be treated better for the rest of the year until the next women’s day?
Conclusion
Trying to answer these questions yields more doubts in our minds rather than answers. Hence, we avoid them. The fact that we don’t have answers to these questions signifies; how “happy” this day must be for the women around us.
The entire year goes in satisfying the ‘male’ ego. Satisfying the urge of being the ‘superior’ gender through rapes, molestation and public humiliations. Suddenly on the 8th of March, we treat the same “inferior” gender as goddesses!Birthdays are not celebrated only because you were born on that day; but also because you survived a year more and for all the learning and understandings you developed in that year. Similarly, we forget that the entire year, women have been treated badly. Whether we consider it at national platforms or even at our homes.
People argue that women are being treated well and are being given equal opportunities; on the basis of a sample space that hardly forms 5-10 per cent of the entire population. But what they neglect is the way they are treated in the rest of the space. Providing a handful of women with opportunities and a stand in the society; when a majority is being objectified or a means to get a dowry, and are being deprived of even the basic human rights is not something to be termed as women empowerment and felt proud of.
Observation
Do the wishes count? Do they change the perception and understanding of men towards women? Does the standing of women in society become the way she wants it to be? and not the way the egoistic male wants? When the answer to all of them is No, then how can we say that the wishes of a happy women’s day are even valid? It is all a myth.
A day cannot solve the plight of women in the mind of the entire society. What I contend is that we should mend our behaviour in a way that we no longer need the crutch of a “Women’s Day” to treat females fairly and equally.
Published on: Youth Ki Awaaz
Happy Women’s Day | Life Blog |
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I do not trust love because of my parents | Life Blog | The Times of India
Life Blog | The Times of India |I do not trust love because of my parents
The beginning
I am 25, single and have all sorts of experiences in my kitty. At this juncture, my mother is in a hurry to find a suitable girl for me and get me hitched. But perhaps, I am not ready for it. Not that I am not stable in life or have any other issue, but because I fear love. The fear that has been instilled in my heart and mind because of what I have witnessed in life.
My family…
My father is hale and hearty, and he is rich too! But he does not stay with me and my mother. They got divorced when I was about to step into my twenties. Rarely does he visit us and vice versa? After parting ways with my mother, he re-married while my mother took my responsibility and remained single.
My parents met during their struggling days. Belonging to different communities meant difficulty in getting married, but anyhow, they did. Years passed, and with the passage of time, they found that things weren’t working out the way they wanted them to. Hence, they got separated.
I feel that in this era, where relationships are based on some terms and conditions and reality is hidden under the mask of understanding if your relationship loses that zeal and the stubbornness that holds two persons together, then staying together doesn’t make sense.
The beginning of the end…
In this light, I find my parents’ decision to be fairly practical. I do not blame them. It is a different thing than being a child I never wanted them to be apart. But again, divorce is like a grave disease that doesn’t show up until the final stage is reached. And unfortunately, the moment it reveals itself to you, nothing can be done to reverse its effect.
I felt low; cried for months. I tried to divert myself towards other things when I saw my mother’s mental trauma. The pain she went through, the emotions in her eyes were something I cannot explain in words. Later, the hardships of life and my own relationships made me look at my parents’ decision from a different perspective altogether.
After effects !!
I lost all the love I had in me. Got into three beautiful relationships, and while all of them looked long-lasting, they ended in ways I never thought they will. I ended each one of them. As things became clearer, smoother, I pulled myself back from making a commitment.
I loved them, wanted them to last long, but the word ‘commitment’ gave me goosebumps. At times I thought I wasn’t cut out for it. I craved for love, but whenever I got it, I got confused. I used to distance myself from it, excusing the distance to boredom. Perhaps this was the way I tried to deceive myself from the fear of relationships. I don’t deny my mistakes, but the face of the lady who raised me up and seeing the dearth of love in her life made me more cautious. It prevented me from loving someone to the extent of getting hurt.
I was 19 when that incident hit me, I wasn’t mature enough to understand its cause or its implications.
Conclusion…
I am a changed man now. and believe in living in the present and I don’t think much of what happened and accept it as an unfortunate past which has been associated with me and I no longer regret it. Occasionally, I meet my dad, we discuss a lot of things and end our meetings quite casually. But sometimes, seeing my mother hide her grief behind a smile and the sense of loneliness in her eyes makes me hate the fate bestowed upon her.
But I don’t hate love now. I do hate my past fear of commitment, but seeing society and living with different people, I’ve realized that the love I have seen is an exception to the real one. The beauty of love lies somewhere outside the one that existed between my parents. I have definitely lost the love in me for people, but am searching for it within myself again.
@ramtajogi
Published in The Times of India
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The Lady with a Broken Smile | Life Blog
The Lady with a Broken Smile | Life Blog
It starts with lady
I met her on my last visit to my maternal home. She was sitting outside on a chair and reading newspaper. Seeing her, I bent down to take her blessings. She saw and braced me with a smile and tears. It was 3 years, that I had not seen her.
She kissed on my forehead and hugged me. As I sat by her side she asked me about my life. I was informing her about my present when my eyes went to her broken teeth, her burnt wrist, and her face which had grown old even in early her 40’s. She was too busy informing me things from her end, but somewhere in between, she was losing the flow of her speech as tears came and went.
I felt that she wanted to tell me many more things but somehow the tears restricted them from coming out of her. After a while, I went inside the house to meet others. Later, as I ended my day, my mind recalled all the happenings that had happened in her life, as informed by my mother to me.
She was not related to me by any direct relation but belonged to my maternal family and so we treated her as the youngest sister of my mother and so she became my aunt. In those days, marriages had a different meaning. Between the boy and the girl, the rituals were a mere obligation. As my mother got married, 2 years later some of the relatives suggested a young man with good looks and a respected family for my aunt. Also was the case that people wanted their daughter to get married as early as possible was prevalent then and so she got married as the family said.
With circumstances…
As long as everything seems right, no one turns and look towards the left. With time the clouds got scattered and the real colours of the people started coming out. In a couple of years, they started treating her unfairly and rudely. There was no reason as in why and what was going in their mind and so money became the first reason. She informed about this to her parents and brothers, who asked her to keep quiet, ignore their words and to be nice to them, which may lead to change their behaviour. She tried but nothing changed.
With time to their ignorance, she became responsive. To their insults, she countered with her blunt reply. To this, they even became more ruthless and even started beating her, whenever she argued. Many times she cried and was bruised but never informed her parents as it would even give them more tension.
Things continued from time to time. She was verbally abused, beaten and her husband would call my maternal uncle and used to ask them to take her back. They used to go there discuss the matter asked for forgiveness from her end. A decade of her marriage passed with these same things. It was always “the next time it won’t happen” from my maternal family to her in-laws and it was always “OK. Send her back then” from them.
The present…
It is more than 20 years of her marriage now. Things slowed down for some years but later began to get worst. She is left isolated in a distant room in the house. By this time she has started working in a school and pay for her living. She now argues to whatever they say, opposes them and gets beaten up many times. They even try to defame her in front of everyone by highlighting her affairs in her workplace, but nothing is true.
Lately, after so many issues, last time when they sent her back after beating her up, my maternal family directly went to the police and registered a complaint. They got frightened and pleaded for forgiveness from her. But such pleading is not new for them, they have asked this many times.
They called her and asked her to return back. She was not ready. She wanted a divorce. Her parents at this age of early ’80s were not sure about this decision. They knew her plight but they also knew the society. They belonged to it knew and how difficult it will be for a lady to survive. Bringing her back to their place was something the people of that era would rarely do.
My observation…
And so there was she; when I met her, reading a newspaper. She was supposed to leave the very next day back to her in-laws, with no other options left.
Was it her mistake that this happened to her out of the other sisters or blame to fate or so-called destiny?
Whether my maternal family lately responded or reacted to the things or was it the societal pressure responsible for their decisions?
At this age, after these many years, reasons, excuses and explanations don’t hold logic to be discussed. These are some of the instances where you cannot console people to hold their tears back. Certain event is meant to cry out and they demand tears. She is a different person now; someone broken at heart and lost at hope. She even smiles with deep loneliness behind it. Sitting in a different city and hearing about her made me a man whom I was searching for. Maybe it’s not about serving the society that defines humanity, it’s more so that you have to feel and behave like a human to be a human.
If her in-laws would have understood it them, her smile would have been more beautiful without the broken teeth and burnt hands.
Thank You.
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Published in The Times of India
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Placement – Mania
Placement Mania | B-School | Humor Blog
A year and a half at a B-School, but now I feel a strange vibe here. I feel like a stranger now. The days are as hot as stark summers, but the nights make me shiver even in my blanket. Somebody, for sure, is playing mind games here. Apart from the weather, the other buzzing topic on the campus is the festive season of Placements. This entire journey seems to be like a relay race which has come down to its final lap, i.e. PLACEMENTS.
Placement, for a student, is that tonic which tastes sweet when taken first, but as the time passes by and as we fathom the initial hullabaloo, we start to experience its sourness. It begins with the student being shown the magical CTC(COST TO COMPANY) figure which woos even the best of the minds on campus and once the magic fades away, we are left with the unwrapped FIXED Salary figure. We know all this but still, run for it.
……
The populists used caste system to divide the voters into segments, we have placements here as the dividing basis. The forward classes are the PLACED STUDENTS who look forward towards receiving their call letters and joining dates. While the backward classes are the UNPLACED STUDENTS who fight for the mere basics! They keep on refreshing their inboxes in order to find a suitable company that would take them out of their miseries of being unemployed.
The placed students are out of all the ‘Moh-Mayas’ of the MBA. In their thoughts, their Post-Grads are as good as over. The only letters or E-Mails drawing their concern are those from their recruiters. Normally, a student waits for holidays or some other reasons to go home when he/she is a part of a residential program. But these guys look for reasons important enough to make them stay in the college!
A suitable example would be that of my own room-mate who went home to celebrate his niece’s birthday! The niece is too small to understand what birthdays are!!
…….
Earlier, parties were supposed to be special occasions for me, but post the B-School life, I came to know that it is something which you can have any day once you are placed. The life cycle has undergone tremendous changes. The so-called, forward classes here don’t generally have mornings. Mornings are the new nights for them!
And the night (which is commonly known to us) is the time for them to socialize where they discuss all the illogical stuff. This is how their schedule is and this is what keeps them busy. The only productive task which keeps the placed students occupied apart from their regular time passing stuff either is talking to their existing girlfriend or an attempt of making one.
Gym, fitness, making a mark for oneself, and much more similar idealistic, spiritual and motivational GYAAN is bestowed upon the unplaced ones by the placed people. And the recipients of such profound knowledge are supposed to live by these words since the ones telling them have already run their part of the race successfully!
Left with no other options, the unplaced students enjoy and celebrate the success of their superior ones in their booze parties with a hope that they will throw even more grand parties once they are hired.
…….
And I am a member of this community. Tough luck! I know. But this is what I do to keep myself rejoiced, I consider myself to be overqualified for the jobs. I may be under-qualified in the eyes of the HR managers who come to hire us, but who cares! As long as it keeps me upbeat and hopeful, I am totally fine with it.
And then after rejecting us, these recruitment managers tell us (rather, console us) that we don’t lack the calibre of talent, but it’s just about the JOB FIT which they didn’t find in us. Honestly, after being rejected from a plethora of job profiles, we start to doubt whether we have the job fit at all in us for any job. We start to wonder if we are fit enough for anything. Oh lord is there a job for me anywhere on your good, green earth?
But then there are certain influences among us who plant the seed of ENTREPRENEURSHIP in the fertile soils of our minds. I must confess TVF PITCHERS was one such influence for me. Probably having our own business won’t let our job-unfitness haunt us! The harsh reality, though, is that our B-PLANS rarely get the daylight and are lost somewhere etched on the last few pages of our notebooks.
…..
Similar to the placed ones, we too rock the time by,
- Partying –Parties were thrown by the placed ones,
- Movies- With the ones who are placed take us with
- TED Talks – Which the ones who are placed, suggest us to see
- Drinks and smoke- Which the ones who are placed, sponsor.
Even as I am writing this, my friend sitting by my side tells me that dude, I am just 1 company away from breaking the Undertaker’s historic winning streak of 21-0! Well, speaking of sports, we have found a new interest in them. This is not to keep us fit, but to divert our minds from the constant emails regarding the placements.
……
With the passage of time, after giving so many group discussions and personal interviews, we have become accustomed to a particular way of talking. One where we start the conversation by stating the GDP of the developed and the developing nations and similar facts and figures. Later on, though, the puzzled faces of our friends do make us realize that all that we spoke was absolutely illogical in the context of that discussion.
We have a strong union. The union of the unplaced people. The placed guys are very loosely bound and can be found scattered here and there on the college campus. The sole aim of our union is to become one of those scattered ones as soon as possible. We meet every day over a Puff of cigarette to discuss the companies, the placements of other colleges, the CTC and other similar stuff. This has helped us in developing a deep understanding of each other.
(Placement Mania | B-School | Humor Blog…..)
Oh! How did I forget calling my parents today! We say this, but we deliberately avoid calling them. Consequently, my dad gives me a call to ask me about my well-being. After my father, my mother takes the phone in her hand and asks about the food that I ate today, the climate in the city I live in and my health. Afterwards, when all the usual things have been discussed, there comes a point of complete silence. No one talks from both ends of the call. This is the point where you automatically understand the question that is hovering over your parent’s mind. This is the question you really want to avoid. Yes, it is about your PLACEMENT.
The phone call ends, and so does our momentary non-comfort. Another unsuccessful day draws towards an end. The last task for the day remains. I open my laptop/phone and refresh my E-mail ID to check if another “dream company” is going to come the next day. I sleep to awaken my dreams.
-@ramta Jogi and Akshay Toplay
Placement Mania | B-School | Humor Blog
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He who knows the alphas and betas of Life|Short Story |Life Blog
Short Story| Life Blog |He who knows the alphas and betas of Life
Beginning
All four were 3 pegs down, consciously or subconsciously having fun and in the midst of it suddenly one of them said, “Rajesh, why you teach the student this way?”
As usual in his jovial mood, Rajesh started laughing and asked “Which way?”
“I think I teach them, in the best possible way, I can. In the way in which they can understand the topic in full detail and which will help them clear the entrance exam. What’s wrong in that?”
To this, the head among them said, “Yes Rajesh, you are right. But this is creating an issue with the other faculties, who teaches them just up-to-the point, without any detail.”
“Students are comparing them with you and asking them to teach to your standards, which to some extent is becoming difficult to other teachers. So better we should have a uniform system of teaching standards”
……
Rajesh said “Do you know what are you people saying, you are saying me to change my way of teaching, not to teach them what I know and what I can explain them, just to make your other faculties comfortable?
The head replied “Rajesh, why don’t you understand? This variable teaching among the faculties in the same institution will hamper our brand and will affect our business. ”
“So what do you think? What you are asking me, won’t hamper the career the students, won’t affect them and make me feel guilty? Will it not cheating to me, if I agree to what you are saying” replied Rajesh.
The Head argued “Rajesh, every one of the department is in this favour but. “
”But not my conscience. I will better quit the job than to continue your way” replied Rajesh.
……
Hearing the word “QUIT”, everyone who was in a different world of their own suddenly came to their senses.
Another member said, “Are you guys mad? Let’s wind up for today, will have a discussion tomorrow”.
“No, the decision is fixed”, said Rajesh. I will teach my way”
“No Rajesh “, said the head,” You need to change”.
“NEVER,” said Rajesh
The next morning was a different morning for him.
Middle..
Rajesh: He Born and brought up in Delhi, graduated from NIT K, left his home a long time before he was even that much matured. With just his knowledge and an exceptional quality of sense of humour, he began his life himself. With long curls of hair, simple looks yet charming smile, with an idea of living life with peace and ease, he moved ahead, not on any desired way, but on the road which was ahead of him, irrespective of the idea of where it will lead.
An intelligent boy from a young age, Rajesh began to take personal coaching for students from the time when we were busy watching action movies and roaming here and there. By the time he entered college, he began his tuition classes for school children, with his NIT friends. His earning by himself paid for his daily expenses during college days.
He continued this way as he never thought what he had to do next. Living his life, enjoying with everyone who meets him and working on the task assigned to him. He too was a common person as others, but with a difference. Always stood up for what he thought is right, irrespective of the opposition. He walked along, fell many times in the midst of his beginning but without hesitation and without any doubt stood up again and continued in his journey. He completed his engineering and finally got placed in a firm.
……
As time passed and after changing various cities and various jobs, he got married to his long term love and then thought to get settled with his wife, here in Ahmedabad and so he landed here and started teaching Mathematics for entrance exams.
Don’t know it was God who favoured him by bringing him in the city of Ahmedabad or favoured the students here, but he was finally here in the city of Ahmedabad.
……….
And now, here he was this morning standing in a strange city, which accepted him, loved him, respected him but was not there for him at that time when he needed them. After 5 years in the city, he was there out of the job and thinking about what to do next. The only problem he felt was that he realized that what he only knew was Mathematics, how he lived his life was with Mathematics and what can make him take care of his family was also Mathematics, and so what he can only do was teach Mathematics, and the problem was the word “ONLY”.
When you are restricted to a single option, your scope gets limited, and so what he was searching was what can he do with Mathematics.
People say,
Life is difficult for us; it was even harsh to him
……..
We get sad when we get less material happiness compared to others, and there he was, who needed to fulfil his necessity for him and his family and even that thought to earn the necessity was seen difficult to him.
Many of us go to our parents and ask for money for anything that we want, and his parents were far away in a different city without any contact with him from many years, who didn’t even know what Rajesh was up to.
We find it embarrassing to speak to a stranger and there he was standing there in a strange city all alone, with his wife, asking the city now what? Thinking what next? As everything, every tie of past had ended and there was nothing he could have continued.
…….
We crave, we cry, we ask for whatever we want from everyone and there he was, whose crises, desires and wants only he knew, only he felt, and what the outside world saw was his smile and his reply to everyone “Move on, will do something.”
With his calmness, his composure, love for his work, love for each and every person associated with him, truthfulness to himself and others, he was not a man who was a part of the crowd, even in those harsh times. Even in such hard times, he was different from others. He was a shining moon, in the cluster of stars.
…….
He began to approach other institutes for work, but for every place either his level was too high for them, or theirs was too low for him. So with a smiling face, and a contended heart he returned back home. Months passed in planning what to do, but he was in a thought that something will happen. He continued his efforts, to try and implement, but as they say that certain phases of life are rough patches, travelling through them takes time, and the same was the phase he was passing through.
And so on
Then one day after two pegs down that night, suddenly he said: “Why don’t I start my own coaching classes”. That’s it. With the dreams of owning his own classes, he slept that night. Though the reality was not as easy as his last night’s thought, from the next day, he began to work in that direction. The next day, while searching for future prospects, he discussed his idea with people.
Some found it risky, to which he replied that “We have nothing to lose, and only to gain at this stage, so why not take this risk”
Many feared about profits, to which he replied, “Friend, we will have less food, but at least won’t die of hunger”
Some thought it won’t be able to compete in the market, where the big sharks had taken a major share already, to this he said “who wants to have competition with them, I want to just teach quality education and make my family and my students future better”
……..
To all the odds, he heard. To all fears he encountered, he just smiled on them.
And then one day, in a 2 room office, his dream began, he started his coaching classes.
He did branding? No.
Did he ask students, from his end? No.
He just started, informing all that he is ready to teach again on his own. And people started to come in, all those who knew him, not only as a tutor but also as a person.
With a chair by the side of the toilet, where he counselled the students coming to him, and a classroom where he took lectures, he began his journey again with a small bunch of students.
……..
With time, his name spread, people began to know that he is there still teaching, and his institute grew. He changed his office, not once but twice as the number of students continued to increase. And the thing that never changed was his humour. Whatever it was, his talks started with some humorous comment which made people around him laugh first and then the conversation would begin. He became the centre of attraction without moving from the very place where he actually stood.
And the time came when he again became the best of his field as he was back then and always was. The institute reached the heights in education, his students delivered the best results and his name was at the top.
But what was a uniqueness that made him different from other people?
…….
It was his persona. Students respected him for his teachings, but they loved him more for what a person he was. With his pure heart and his frankness with students, he became everybody’s friend cum teacher. Whenever anyone meets him, he was not only there for your doubts about career but he was there for doubts about life.
Students discussed with him their personal matters because he had formed such a trustworthy bond with them. Batches formed, students passed and went ahead to desired colleges, but not a single one of them forgot him. Whenever anyone got the chance to visit him, they surely did, and he was there to greet him with the same warmth and love.
Till this day
You go to him, and he will smile with you and crack jokes like a friend. You meet him seeking career advice and he will be your mentor, you ask him to doubt and he will be your teacher and Discuss personal matters and he will become your guardian.
He believed in the idea “To Act instead to react”, and said that instead of wasting time in criticizing our past, why not to look at our present and try for a better future, and so each bad past always was ignored. Taught the great principles of life in the simplest form.
“He sent many to the colleges where we learn the art to master in business and himself taught the art to master in personal life.”
Knowing him, you learn many things.
……
He believes whatever it is going on, it will be definitely better if not best someday.
Whatever you are going through personally, you don’t have the right to depress others with that as you owe some sense of happiness to others to. So irrespective of troubles keep smiling; troubles will end, but being depressed till the end of the troubles, eventually makes you lose your smile for at least that much time. You meet him any day, but you can never realize that whether he is going through tough times or not. He will always begin and end the meet with a laugh.
His ideas inspired people to live a better life.
Thoughts made many a better person.
His suggestions became a rule, which was unquestionably followed.
Trust on him, reached beyond par.
Whether it was education or personal issues he always guided as if we were someone his closed ones.
What would have had happened, if after quitting he would leave bewildered and confused only. Would he be able to reach this position where he reached? No.
….
He reached because he never stopped.
Reached because he had pure intentions,
He reached because he loved truly.
Reached because he was true to himself and to others.
He reached because of dared.
It has been more than 3 years, of his institute and you meet him today, and you will see that he is still the same. Any time surrounded by students, guiding them, solving their doubts, listening to their issues.
A teacher, a mentor, a guide, a friend, a philosopher and especially a true gentleman that’s how Shri. Rajesh Jha is described and he continues to live the life the way it should actually be lived.
—(@ ramta Jogi)
Short Story: Life Blog
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