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The regrets of life | English Poetry
The regrets of life | English Poetry
A Life Bounded With Regret,
Each Regret Always a Secret
The Regrets Neither knew Nor Described,
It was Only Later that they were realisedRegrets always hard to refrain,
Difficult to sustain
Still remains its effect
In the small looking heartThe regrets of life,
We desired to live.
Regrets of the dream,
We dreamt to achieve.
The regret of the idea,
We thought to pursue.
Regrets of the pain,
We wanted to rescue.
Regrets Of the Laugh,
Which lasted for a short while;
Regrets of pleasures,
Which ended in no time.
The regrets of loss,
The loss of love;
The feel to love,
The feel to be loved.
Regrets of the efforts,
Which could have been more,
Regrets of the problems,
Which could have been solved.
Regrets of the feel,
Which could have been felt
And Lastly
Regrets of the End,
Which could have been changed@ramtajogi
The regrets of life | English Poetry
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Bhrun Hatya (Female Foeticide) | Hindi Poetry
Bhrun Hatya (Female Foeticide) | Hindi Poetry
Meri maa, mera tha dosh kya? Tune mujhko kyu na jeene diya?
Meri maa, mera tha dosh kya? Tune mujhko kyu na jeene diya?Teri pyaari thi, Mein dulari thi, Tere aanchal mein, Mene Duniya savaari thi, Phir aise hui mujhse bhool kya, Tune mujhko kyo na jeene diya?
Paida hoti me, Hasti roti me, Tere angaan ko, Khushiyon se piroti mein Fir tujhse ye sukh kyu dekha na gaya? Tune mujhko kyu na jeene diya ?
Padti likhti mein, Age badti mein Apne jivan me, Tera naam roshan karti mein,
Tere dukh ka sahara hoti , Tere sukh me shumaar hoti, Tere jivaan ke har modh pe; Tera mein hathiyaar hoti.Fir bhi tujhse mujhe kyo roka na aya? Tune mujhko kyu na jeene diya?
Janm deti mujhe agar, Saubhagya milta tujhe, Mujhe beti bulane ka, Tera apna saya, Khud ke pass paane ka
Kyu tune vo pal hasil na kiya?
Meri maa,
Tune mujhko kyu jeene na diya ?@ramta jogi
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Joker – A story beneath the mask | Short Story
Joker – A story beneath the mask | Short Story
“I don’t have any scars on my face nor did any additional efforts are made on it look good. No make-up, no masks. It’s the same as I look every day. But today, I am not able to figure out who I am? The face in the mirror is contradicting to the person I am feeling from deep inside. I am not feeling to be myself. Is this the real me? Is this what people see? Who is this? It’s me of my thoughts or me of people’s wishes?”
In the chaos going around him, outside his room, this was Ananth thinking, seeing his face in the mirror in front of him. A dim red light from the bulb bulging out on the top of the mirror focused on his face and brightened it. The noise was continuously increasing with every minute passing. But today it was different. Today nothing mattered to him, neither the noise, the people who were creating it was considered as a disturbance and nor did the focus of the light enlighten him.Today no chaos was as big as the one that was going in his mind. No actions going around were making him excited or curious. Today it was all he with himself; committed and dedicated to his thoughts. The door knocked quite a few times but eventually stopped after he shouted at them and asked them to leave him alone for some time.
…..
It is not something that happens every day. It is a day of introspection. Since last few days, he was feeling a deep pain in himself. He failed in his semester exams and also lost money in trading. Both of this took place in the same time frame and he was lost trying to figure out what went wrong. He needed the support of the people whom he thought were close to him. Not monetary support or any help in studies, he just needed people to stand by, holding his hands by the time he figures out what went wrong.He was not a bad student nor was he a bad trader but something still went wrong and that was what he was searching for and standing alone in such condition was making the situation even worse. He called Ananya –his love interest, but she ignored; texting him that she was busy instead of asking him a reason for the call. His friends too sent a message that they were busy with their work. Suddenly he was seeing a different side of the picture. Whom he wanted with him then, had their priorities. He was feeling as if this was something he had been going through for a long time but he never realised it or felt that way.
….
Today, everything was opening up to him. He realised how when he wanted a relationship; he got restricted to friendship when he wanted friends to love him; they asked him for making them feel good. He needed support from family; they told him to get matured and do by himself. Whether it was his crush, his friends, family or anyone, no one was there in his need. How it was always he himself living his life as per the lives of others.
In such a state of mind, he was looking at himself; asking “what is wrong with me? Why are people not there when I need them? Where does all their love get lost, when it is me and not them?….
He was not frustrated or much disappointed, he was just anxious. Today he just wanted to understand where does he stands in people’s life. What position does he hold in their heart apart from their needs? The power was also playing its game. It went on and off thrice within a span of 15 minutes and he was continuously observing himself in darkness and light from minute to minute. Staring at his own face, he realised how different he himself is from what is seen there.
How a heart, with volcano bursting in there and with questions unanswered about him-self, has a contented face in the mirror. It was like his face was deceiving himself. He realised how different he is to what people perceive him as from his face and action and also lately because of what people accepted him, he too went in with the flow the same way, instead of changing himself and making people aware of what he actually is. Also, he was not the one who was seen in the mirror. He was totally different. The face was the mask, the expressions were the make- up which were unintentionally formed to disguise him to others from the person he actually was.
…
He realised that he smiled with people but deep somewhere in him he never was happy. Deep there he was always at the chaos with himself. He made people laugh with his words, but deep in there, he had lost his laughter years ago. He was always there to help people who needed it whether they were close to him or not, but inside he knew that he himself was the one who needed this help to the most. But still, he did maintain the perceived image; not for him, but for the people, because somewhere somehow he knew how it feels when you have the dearth of these things, and he never wanted to make others feel the same, what he was feeling every day and every night.
But today it was not the same, the burden of carrying the expectations and wishes of people on his shoulder got too extreme to bear and he felt that it was not that he was being treated or considered as a support or helping hand or a person to be worthy of doing that.
He felt he was a joker.A joker for the people around him. They come, watch him and leave him respectively, don’t belong to him. People belong to their needs, their requirements, their moods and he was always an option and the best solution for them. They laughed at his talks, enjoyed his company. He lightened their moods. He motivated them; solved their issues with their family, their relationship. But once things settle, everyone went on to their paths with their mates. And he was left there with a smile on his face and a contented heart. He was a part of peoples sorrow but was never a part of their happiness.
He felt how many a time his family asked him to say something funny so that they do not get bored. It was most of the times the only reason for his friends visiting him. It was always the reason, for the girls coming to him, unknown and unaware of what he thinks or feels, of what his emotions are, but just for the one reason that he will make their mood good, with his witty sarcasm, humour talks and postures.….
He felt how a joker in the circus unknown and unaware of the people sitting and their moods, just try to take their sorrows away and make their time better, irrespective of what he is feeling deep inside him. Many facets of his life were getting played in front of him today. He felt he was never a women’s first choice for love, he was always a women’s first choice for laughter. Always up for the people whom he considered as his priority but for whom he was not even a second option. He was lost in that thought.
And was connecting the various dots of the past to understand why his present hold the position he is in, and with less effort, he even connected them. Later he realised that in trying to make people happy and pleased with him, somewhere he himself became the Joker of life, unconsciously even unaware of it. He himself lost his feelings and emotions and surrendered then to laughter, in making people love him.….
He gave himself in, to be loved by them for the person he was and what he got was love for what he showed to them or for what he acted in front of them. What he thought should have been understood by them as an act to make them happy for a short time, was misunderstood as his personality. People began to think that he was a man for all, and what he did was to make everyone one. He became a symbol for good. His priorities and concern for his closed ones got ignored and his efforts in making them happy were generalized to all. Everyone felt that his concern was for all and so no one realised how some were even special to him.
……
The red coloured dim light continued to fall on his face, bringing his smile back to him as his thoughts were getting clearer and clearer. Slowly he was digesting the fact that this role of a joker he himself had taken with his own wishes though he himself was unaware of it. But that too was not in his hands. He became a joker for some people to show his happiness in making them happy, to show his concerned for them but things were accepted altogether in a different way.
The room knocked again, he came out of the thoughts he was in. His eyes were filled with tears and his lips smiled. He knew that his thoughts were a reality though not seen by everyone but not understood by them.
A person from outside shouted again. Anant stood up and opened the door. Anil, the manager came inside. With a disgusting expression on his face, and infuriated tone he asked again,
“Why are you not ready till now? The play has started Ananth.….
The artists are there performing on stage, it is your turn next and you are not ready yet? What are you thinking Ananth? What is wrong with you? Ananth smiled and replied, “I have got a few minutes. You please don’t panic; I will be there on time.
To this, the manager said,” Ananth, do you know what are you going to do there? You have got an important role to play out there. You are a JOKER in the play and you are taking it this lightly. It is a very big burden of making people laugh. It is a very important part of this play. So please realise that and work. You have not even done the make-up and where is the mask?”
Hearing this, a smile came on Ananths’ face. He saw his face in the mirror and pointing to his mirror image, he replied to the manager, “There it is. And this mask does not need make-up because he is totally different from the person who is hidden behind this face. This is a JOKER in real.”The manager got curious listening to this and continuously stared Ananth. Seeing his curiosity, Ananth laughed, picked up the funny clone mask, he was about to wear and made his way out of the room towards the stage, where the audience was waiting to see the JOKER on stage.
————–@ramta jogi*********************************
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The last Good-Bye |Short Story
The last Good-Bye | Short Story
Prescript: The name of this letter is “The Last Goodbye”, that doesn’t mean we won’t be having any touch after you are gone, but it means that after this I am not going to say goodbye ever, ever and ever again. I am not going this far away from you ever after this, because since last 5 days only I know how I am living these days.
The Last Good-Bye
They say the first day and the last day are always special in everybody’s life, as they begin or end something. And either of these conditions will make you happy or sad or both. In my case, the first day was neither happy nor sad, it was just as usual. It was good. But definitely in a day or two will be the last day, and I don’t know how will I be then. But I hope I will have happy and sad feelings both but both to a higher extent: – A mixed feeling. A feeling of absurdness, a feeling of emptiness, an indefinable feeling. Something which even my words can’t describe. It might witness a smile on my face with my eyes wet. It will see the rarest of facial expression of mine.I don’t cry that easily. People call me stubborn and “Selfish”, but yes I am pretty much sure, that that stubbornness will end in this case. I am sad and will be sad at least for days because certain things are not easily bearable, and neither are easily separable, which have made a deep impact on your soul your heart and more importantly your life in whole.
….
It was just the other day nearly 2 years back when I met you. Nothing unusual happened that day, no special people were meeting neither the atmosphere got filmy, and neither there was love at first sight. I came with our old friend, who made us introduced to each other. When you shook your hand, saying a “Hi ”, I saw that I was talking to a very bold and independent sort of girl, who has got nothing to praise in her looks or body and who was supposedly my classmate and whom I had never noticed in my class. It began and ended the same normal way.
…
Things began to build up slowly between us, as I initiated the talks on Facebook as well as on phone. I was pretty much busy flirting and enjoying with other girls that I just began to exchange messages and talks with you rarely. But somehow I don’t realize when this rarely turned out occasionally and that turned out as a daily routine activity. I was beginning to feel good about everything related to you. Whether it was your voice or your sense of humour, both were (and are) exceptionally great.
A time came when my terms with our common friend became sour, but by then I was in good touch with you {at least from my side, that’s what I think}. We began to talk at times for hours, but you used to get irritated with them as long talks and regular contact with anybody for more than 2 hours is somewhat unbearable for you at that time{* to be precise it’s even now}.
….
Regarding this, we had many arguments, many fights, a lot of time my insult, but I never understood what stopped me to be still there with you. Being very arrogant from the early age and full of attitude {that’s what people say} you could have never expected that I would have still continued to be in your touch. But don’t know which sort of vibes were coming from you that made me ignore each of your acts that were not liked by me. As time grew, the friendship flourished. It became more of casual than a formality.
We laughed to each other talks, began to share the things which were not meant to be known by all. Yes !! it was strange that the meeting each other regularly for two of us was a rarity. Neither of us was interested nor wanted to meet regularly. Yes even though many a time I asked and was declined by you, but that didn’t change my feelings for you. Moving ahead even the meeting began, though for some reasons like an exam or other. But believe me !! In my view they were fruitful.
…
They were better than expected. And even today I rejoice those moments. I will give you the credit that at this point you were the person who bared me. I know who I am, and how I am and so by any means you handled the talks. You either ignore the bad part of me from your mind, and many times you accepted it as a part of me and so didn’t reacted, but you helped to take this friendship further. Life is a race not with a straight ground, but it’s a 200-meter huddle race on a circular ground, and accordingly, we too continued with certain issues with one another, certain fights but in the end, a “good night” from my side always ended with a “bye” from your side.
As a person I began to adore you, respect you more. A person like you was never ever witnessed by me any-time before. Your thoughts, your humour, your persona, your character all these made me an ardent follower of yours. Any talk with you gave me peace in my heart and smile on my face. Yes !! I know everyone praises you this way, but this is my “GOODBYE” letter, so I will also do.
By now, a strong feeling for you had already taken place in my heart and you were very well aware of it.….
But time flew came a big and great decision for your life and harsh decision for me. You decided to fly abroad. It was good, it was great but the small child in my heart was unyielding to this decision that it should not take place. I tried to console myself, tried to make myself believe all the good things that may happen in the future, but the foolish heart was still in the mind frame of the present. And the reality was something very much known but not at all expected.
By this time, you became my DBMS- database management system.From beginning to end, almost all my secrets (except 2-3, that I told will tell you later), my regular routine, my friends, their secrets, my mood swings, my interests, almost everything was known to you. And it was all good. You know me, very well, even more than I know you. I trust you more than anyone else. What you gave me in my life;
….
I can’t even imagine even whether anyone else will be ever able to give me. You can’t even imagine that you made me a person of heart, vulnerable to emotions, people’s feelings. But as they say, a special person deserves special things, If ever I was in that state that for me anything would have been possible, you can’t even imagine what all you would have received, just for Being “YOURSELF”.
…..
The last days, when you remained busy with packing and stuff, I got a bit numb. I was not crying but neither I was laughing. I tried to live a normal-like, but something in my heart was aching. Whatever you call it, this was my condition. Day by day thinking about you my stubbornness was getting lesser and lesser. I was becoming vulnerable to breaking down at each and every small things or feeling. It was for the 1st time that my eyes got wet at any emotional thing. Any thought of yours made me emotional. Even while writing this it was like I was holding my tears back in my eyes.I avoided staying alone as then the only thing that came was missing you, I always tried to be in a company of 2-3 people. But somehow I was not even able to tell the best of the people’s in my life that what I was feeling and for whom I was feeling. As they say, certain special things are always kept as SECRET, and you know what my SECRET is “YOU”. I don’t know what you have done to me, but believe me, this is the best of me which you have brought of me. A person, a unique sample like you is someone I have never met and after you even I don’t want to meet.
…
Finally, in a day or two, whenever you will read this, you will be gone. But you know what will remain.
It’s the memories, “MEMORIES” The smallest talk for seconds that I had talked with you will remain forever. The long hours of conversation with you will be felt. The comments passed by you will be missed, The time spent with you will be craved. Your laugh, your thoughts, your nature, your character will be remembered. And more importantly, it’s “You” who will be missed more.….
After this, For whom the short lines, will be written?
For whom the small poems will be crafted? For whom letters of short stories will be written? Who will have that persona, who can make my eyes wet while writing an “A goodbye letter”?
I don’t think anybody will.
Relations based on name splits when the name is withdrawn from them, but the relations based on feelings and respect stays forever with the person irrespective of time and age, they arouse from the soul and stay there forever.
Whatever in future turns out between us I don’t know and neither you do,
But as you said the other day, “There can be no one better than you”.I will agree to it today. There can be no one better than YOU.Keep Smiling, You Will be Missed
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Tum Ho | Hindi Poetry
Tum Ho | Hindi Poetry
Tum ho to jannat hai, Tum ho to ronak hai,
Tum ho to duniya mein Jeene ki chahat hai
Tum ho to har pal mein Ek khushi si milti hai
Tum ho to Zindagi Phoolon si khilti hai
Tum ho to begane, Apno se lagte hai
Tum ho har ek pal, Sapno se lagte hai
Tum se to har nafrat, Pyaari ban jati hai
Tumhari har adat, Nyaari ban jati hai
Tumne hi to mujko, Jeena sikhlaya hai
Tum ne hi to mujko, Thoda apnaya hai
Tum hi mere dil mein, Ek sukoon sa lati ho,
Tum hi mere liye, Zindagi ban jati hooo.
Is bhagti si duniya mein, Tum hi ek theraav ho,
Jiske bharose guzar jaye zindagi,Aisi tum naav hooo
@ramtajogi
Tum Ho | Hindi Poetry
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