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When “Moving On” can hold you back
Moving On | The Huffington Post
There exists a world as seen by us. Each of us is a minuscule part of that world, and we are all struggling. We think about hardships, relationships, unfulfilled aims and many other things which in some way or the other are not acceptable to us, but still, we live with them and carry on, accepting that some things will never change.
But our world doesn’t end there. Inside of us exists another world, a world larger than the one outside. In this inner world, our thoughts are felt in a deeper way. It’s a world where pessimistic thoughts give way to the hope that there will be better days if we only wait for them. This is the world of hope and patience.
We are a part of a fast-paced and dynamic ecosystem where our wishes are fulfilled through a mere touch of a smartphone screen. Our relationships are public property, to be “shared” with friends and strangers. Often times, love begins, progresses and even ends on social networking sites. We hardly have the time to think about what went wrong or how to make amends or learn from mistakes. The mantra is to “move on” and forget all about past experiences.
But is it truly possible for us to move on from each and every action, aim, past, guilt or regret?
Can we really forget that past which we once thought held the key to our future?
The answer is NO. It is not possible to move on.
The striking thing about humans is that we never grow up. Our looks change, expressions change, habits change but one thing remains the same. It’s our heart. At 25, our heart is just the way it was when we were five. A five-year-old child cries for whatever it is he wants, regardless of how realistic it is to expect that wish to be fulfilled. All the child knows is that something felt good and it must be had. Twenty years on from then, nothing changes. We crave for things, for people whom we love but are far from us. Try to grasp at them and when they slip away, we feel very low even if we don’t show it. We tend to move on superficially, but our heart seldom keeps up.
Similar things happen when we are in love. We have good days in love to cherish and bad days to regret. There are times when we feel stuck in circumstances and patterns of behavior and things refuse to go the way we want. We don’t know what to do. In such situations we can only wait and hope for things to get back on track.
But after a while we start to lose hope. Our patience disappears. And we give up. It is difficult, it is painful, it is harsh to give up on something which we actually loved and desperately wanted. We start acting as if we have left the love behind and we are just fine. But the fact is we are not. Inside us, the wish for this love to return continues to linger.
So if we can’t let go of someone or something in our minds, why do we abandon all hope of actually getting them?
What we fail to realize in such scenarios is that there are things which take time. Certain phase does change, many people do come around, and many times things definitely move in our direction — if not now, then later. Never ever regret your past, and if it is worth regretting, then never let it be your past.
To move on, to give up, to succumb to exhaustion will never give us what we truly want. We craved, we tried, we waited, we even prayed… and then what? We stopped hoping, we stopped waiting, and yet certain desires stayed even as others came and were lost.
Why not be patient and hope?
The world never belonged to the people who ran fast and jumped from one thing to another because the first attempt took too much time. The world always belonged to the people who trusted their love, their belief in their work, waited patiently and saw what was wrong with what they were doing, made changes and continued to improve instead of changing their beliefs and aims. That’s what made them reach their highs.
Our life is based on the hope of survival. We don’t know how long we will be alive, but still we breathe. Still we hope to live long, we have the patience to wait until it all ends. We think, act and take measures, but in the end hope and patience are integral parts of whatever we do.
Don’t let the hope in you die, don’t let the patience slip away.
Moving On | The Huffington Post
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Published at : Huffington Post
http://www.huffingtonpost.in/aakash-joshi/the-world-of-hope-and-pat_b_8477096.html
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I am a coward |Article |The Huffington Post
I am a coward | Article | The Huffington Post
I respect women; actively participate in candlelight marches for rape victims. I write Facebook posts supporting women’s empowerment and liberation; project myself as a man of the changing world and try to embody its evolved approach towards women.
I strongly believe that no woman deserves to be attacked or humiliated for any reason: not for the clothes she wears or for how late at night she chooses to be out. She is still the same person with the same dignity and self-respect that she is at noon or midnight, in a mini-skirt or sari. These are my views. Yet, when I introspect and look into the depths of my heart, I realize I don’t believe enough in my own beliefs.
When after a tiring day at work, I make my way back to my home, I sometimes go over my own convictions, which I often relay passionately to other people. But have I convinced myself enough? As I knock the door of my home and see my mother’s face, the confusion lifts and I get my answer.
I am a coward.
I am a man who fears everything. A man who waxes eloquent (with full sincerity) on women’s liberation, but finds it difficult to practice what he preaches in his own home.
When I reach home late at night and don’t find my sister there, I start calling her, asking her whereabouts and when she will return. I stare alternately at the wall clock and door until she comes home. It gets worse. Sometimes, I ask my mother to adjust her sari more modestly when she goes out and I am uncomfortable when my love’s top has a low neckline or threatens to reveal her midriff.
To the outer world, I project myself as an open-minded person. I tell the women in my life that they are free to do what they want; as and when they want, but deep in my mind and heart I don’t feel the same. I do not try to restrict them from doing anything but I do keep a careful watch on their actions. I know this might be wrong and irritating for them many times. They might get upset with me or even feel embarrassed by my behaviour. Yet, I cannot help myself because I know what the men on the street are like and that I cannot exercise any control over them. The only thing the men out there need is an excuse. I really don’t want the women who are a part of my life to be that excuse.
That there is a mindset problem in India is well-documented. Irrespective of how much we learn, we see or we practice, we men tend to have an inflated sense of self, a feeling of superiority just by dint of our gender. We find it challenging to accept that a woman can be better than us or outperform us. Even the concept of equality doesn’t sit quite right. As a result, many men feel that it is their duty towards their gender to bring down women a peg or two, reduce them to victims.
Published in : The Huffington Post
I too am a man residing in the same culture, with many of the same influences. I am the same guy who, along with his friends, stares at a “hot” girl walking on the road. But of course I won’t lose control of my mind and body and force myself on a girl. I know my limits. I too have a family and when I see them, I take my limits in a more serious way.
Life is a complete cycle. The way I see society and the opposite gender is the same way society looks at my home, my sister, my mother and also at my love. This realisation makes me fearful. It makes me mend my actions and my way of looking at the world.
I don’t think that women will ever be truly empowered until men are. Until the way we think changes, our progress will always be incomplete, the road to equality half-paved.
But right at this moment I am a frightened man. I am frightened of society. I fear for my family. To deal with that fear I keep tabs on them, stop them from doing certain things, stop them from going to certain places and stop them from going out after a certain time. This is not because I think they are weak, but because I want them to be safe. I love them, I care for them. I can be open-minded and embrace every definition of freedom out there, but deep inside I know I cannot change because my love and fear for them will not let me. If this makes me a coward, then I am one.
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URL: http://www.huffingtonpost.in/aakash-joshi/i-a-coward-man_b_8017382.html
